- I'm not exactly pissed at my mom, like I should be, for wanting to see my grandmother peacefully at rest. After some thinking, I realized that the truth is that I agree with her. It isn't that I want her to die, but that she might be better off, and perhaps it was this subtlety that I missed when my mother repeatedly conveyed her opinion. And, after all, my mother is one of the only two people who are constantly at my grandmother's side. It is not for lack of love or care or compassion or anything else. It may be for an abundance.
- I picked up a new roommate, which couldn't be more ideal. I don't see that much of her (which is only ideal in terms of privacy and maintaining the status quo), and she's clean and respectful. Best of all, we've enjoyed living together before. Now we just need to start kicking each others' asses about getting to the gym.
- Speaking of the gym, I was on a two week hiatus when at first I rediscovered my love of running, then became injured, and then briefly sedentary. I left weight training behind but plan to ease back into it. Today I tried cycling, but I wasn't comfortable with the motion at the reps needed to get to my target heart rate. I'll get on the elliptical again tomorrow, and while I think it may be equally lame (go ahead, read into that use), It might be better than the bike while I continue to be injured. My fitness goals are currently simple: I want to drop some pounds, work on my shoulders, chest, arms and abs. I'm not worried about chicken legs: I already have somewhat well-developed below-the-waist musculature (please, read into this, too), and I can become more comprehensive when the upper half is all caught up. Weigh-in today has me down to 176.5lbs, hoping for 169.
- I'm totally absorbed in a work of fiction which I find strange but totally acceptable. I'm reading Waugh's Brideshead Revisited. I became interested in it after I fell asleep through the 2008 film adapted from the book. The movie was immediately intriguing but then got really boring (and it was late), which made me think it might be a beautifully written book, which make the most seriously boring movies (i.e. Brokeback Mountain, The Hours). I'm rediscovering my independent desire to pay attention to and analyze imagery and thematic elements. Also, it is a perfect novel for a queer reading. I'm worried that Waugh has an agenda with which I will soon take exception, but until then, I'm getting ideas for my own work and a renewed desire for more fiction. It is very likely that I will pick up Anna Karenina again.
Brideshead is about the love affair between a young middle class man and a young aristocrat who meet at Oxford during the inter-war period. The novel has taken a turn in the second third to very deftly describe the effects and causes of alcoholism. Waugh would have been very aware of the clinicization of alcohol abuse (i.e. the emergence of the alcoholic, the diagnosis), but seems to be somewhat careful to address the topic in its context, which is very appropriate for the novel - we see into the reasons the character is drawn to drink, and alcohol itself is an important thematic element. It has become very horrifying, and I'm sort of drawn away from drinking for a while.
- Finally, I discovered this weekend that I don't know what to do with time off. I got a little bored this weekend with three days off in a row. I was able to pack a lot in on the 4th, but I only used about half the day on Sunday, and yesterday I did almost nothing at all (but read and watch movies, alone). The next time I anticipate some time off, I'll do meticulous planning. It isn't that enjoying time alone is a waste of time, it's just that I could feel more accomplished and well rested now, on the other side of this lot of time.
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